The Art of Letting Go

Each September, my daughter, an only child, would pose with a hand-drawn sign that said “First Day of School.” Excitement and nervousness would play across her face as I snapped her photo. Initially, she attended a co-op preschool where the parents rotated working in the classroom. My presence may have eased her jitters, but I was a wreck the first time I had to walk away and leave her behind. Kindergarten was even harder —for me. I recovered, and packed as much writing as I could into the few hours she was in class. But the most heart wrenching first day of school occurred post-divorce, when my ex-husband and I alternated custody. Our daughter’s first day of high school coincided with his custodial week. Would he remember to take her photo? What would she wear? Would he get her to the bus on time?

Then came college, when sending her off to school meant dropping her off at the Oakland Airport. By that time, I had already experienced Empty Nest Syndrome every other week for four years. So I pretended she was at her father’s house, not across the country. The ploy worked for a short time. Although I possess an active imagination (just read my Teen Wytche Saga!), even I couldn’t continue the pretense forever. Eventually I had to face my daughter’s departure for what it was — a Rite of Passage for both of us.

Rites of Passage

Rites of Passage mark the end of one way of being, and the beginning of a new way. Some we celebrate; others we grieve over. Sometimes the concoction is a bittersweet. We know the passage is for the best, and yet we resist change.

The Fear Factor and Mirror Magic

Fear for our children and for ourselves influences how we react to sending a child off to school. We may fear for our daughter or son’s safety, success, or popularity. For ourselves, we may fear the loss of our place in the world and be challenged by “What now?” The higher our fear factor, the harder it is to let go.

Teach your child to envision herself/himself surrounded by a silver egg or bubble. Make sure they extend it above their head, below their feet, in front and behind, and to the left and to the right. Think of the silver bubble as a mirror that deflects all evil and dark intent and sends it back to the person who unleashed it. Your child can draw the bubble close so it molds them like pliable full-body armor.

How Bright is Your Sun?

A child with a strong sense of self is better equipped to make wise decisions and shrug off peer pressure. Acknowledge when your child is able to do something he or she couldn’t accomplish when they were younger  — ride the bus, find their classroom, etc. To foster self-reliance, teach your child this simple visualization:

1. Show them where their Solar Plexus Chakra is located —directly below the sternum. Embedded within its sun-like light are the seeds of confidence, self-worth, resiliency, freedom of choice, and personal power.
2. Have your child imagine a bright yellow sun emanating from the chakra. Explain, “This is your personal sun, the light you shine into the world. It will become as dim or bright, as small or big, as you envision it.” Ask them to show you how bright their sun is today. Have sunglasses on hand!
3. Buy yellow dot stickers in various sizes. The stickers represent your child’s third (Solar Plexus) chakra. Chakras open and close according to our thoughts and how we react to situations. The yellow stickers can become a secret code. If your child faces a tough day at school, have them peel off a large yellow dot and stick it on their wrist, lunch bag, shoe — anywhere they’ll see it and be reminded of how smart and capable they are. On days when they need to be more withdrawn and focused, they can choose a smaller dot to represent their purposeful reining in and concentration of their personal power.

Honoring and Success Ritual

The final step in the Art of Letting Go is an Honoring and Success Spell. You can perform this alone or with your child.

1. Choose the best day to perform the ritual. Sunday—best for general success, Wednesday—best for magic on behalf of students and teachers, or Thursday—best for accomplishments, honors, and awards.
2. Pick a place to perform the ritual. Gather items that represent Earth (grounding), Air (ideas) Fire* (the creative spark), and water (emotions). If your child has an animal totem, include a picture or figurine of the animal.
3. *Choose a candle to represent Fire. A white candle can signify anything you desire. Or you might pick pale blue to relieve confusion and anxiety, dark blue for organization and structure, brown for grounding and centering, green for independence, lavender for stress relief, orange for motivation, silver for protection, or teal to handle problems. Place a current photo of your child beside the candle.
4. Say your child’s name:
   This (name item for Air) honors the great ideas within you.
   (Light the candle) This flame honors your courage and resolution.
   
   This (name item for Water) honors the compassion and love within you.
   This (name the item for Earth) honors your patience, confidence, and respect.
   I surround you with love and protection.
   And honor the person you have become.
   With all elements in balance, you have roots and wings.
   Soar!

(If possible and safe, keep the candle lit until it burns down. Otherwise, snuff it out when need be, and relight when possible. Repeat for 1, 3, or 5 days until the candle has extinguished itself.)

~Ariella Moon

Source for days of the week and color correspondences: Dorothy Morrison, The Craft, Llewellyn Publications, 2001.